Morning Mayham.

I despise weekday mornings. Why? Because I always seem to turn into a raving, psycho bitch in the mornings! Thanks to my kids of course. My boys are 10 and 8, old enough to figure out how to get up in the morning and get ready for school. You would think. Instead they revert back to toddler hood! They act like I'm speaking a foreign language. Take this morning for example. After the thousandth time of yelling "shut up and brush your teeth!" I stormed into the bathroom, where the 10 year old was busy stabbing the 8 year old with his toothbrush and the 8 year old was flapping his arms saying, "goo-goo. I'm a stupid baby." What the hell! How do I respond to that? With my usual, "Stop acting like idiots and get finished or you're grounded from video games!" of course. Will I actually follow through with my threat? Probably not. Video games are my salvation! If I ground them, then they'll want to follow me around. I shudder at the thought.

So here is a warning to those who know me: Never, and I mean never, come over before 8:00 am. You will be traumatized! The sight of me, my hair sticking up, my boobs sagging in my dirty pj's, and the look of fury on my face will give you nightmares! I may be a lot of things, but pretty in the morning is not one of them.