Perspective

This last month has not been an easy one. Accusations have been made, words meant to wound have been thrown with deadly accuracy, tears have been shed by the bucketful. So what have I learned over these last few weeks? More than I could ever imagine. I realized that I only thought I knew who I was. Everyday, I discover new facets of my personality and my mind is filled with new thoughts. I must admit that this is a little scary. Do I like this new me who is emerging? I haven't quite decided on that yet.

I have felt moments of great passion, joy, shame, fear, anger, hurt, and betrayal. I have learned that soft words whispered under the cover of dark can sound so sweet coming from a lovers mouth, but in reality are ringed with deceit. I have felt my heart break, and while this ache seems endless, it is made worse by the knowledge that I inflicted the same pain on another, one I had once vowed to love forever. I ask myself each day, "How did I reach this point? Why?" My hope is that the answer to this question, and all the others that fill my heart, will emerge and that I may once again be made whole.

So where do I go from here? That my friends also remains unclear. My emotions change from day to day. I feel as if I am on a never ending roller coaster ride. One minute up, one minute down, and before I've had a chance to catch my breath, here comes that terrifying series of loops! But I am starting to see tiny little glimmers of light at the end of the tunnel. I've realized that all I can do is take each day as it comes, maintain an open heart and an open mind, and continue my journey towards forgiveness for both myself and those who have hurt me the most. I believe that the path that I am meant to take will become clear to me in the near future and my journey will be that much better because of the experiences I have had and the lessons I have learned.